at this point idgaf who knows what about me and my life. I have my girls, and I know theyd never leave my side regardless of my stupid decisions. life’s been rather confusing lately. actually who am I kidding, it’s always confused me. I always try so hard to forget my past and move forward, but there’s a trail that people continuously remind me of.
three guys. well I guess you could say four, or even five at my fingertips currently. (or at least I believe so) no, I am not a whore. I just have options, and enjoy a broader spectrum. one has been there since day one and will never leave my side, regardless of how I treat him or behave. but sometimes I wish he would, because more than anything I love the chase. this next ones a bit more confusing, but a much as I say he’s the complicated one..that would be me. I just simply don’t want to go to college with a boyfriend. I may have kissed him the other night, but things will never work for us and we both know that’s the truth. #3. oh my god. I don’t know what it is about him. but he’s perfect. and I can tell he’s interested, but I know he isn’t looking for anything serious anyway. but still why is it I think about him so much. why is it that I cheated on my ex with him. why is it that ever since my ex and I broke up , he’s the one I want. next please…oh this one. that would be my ex. the one I cheated on. he loved me. I broke his heart. I suppose you could say im a bitch. but he was clingy and way too attached. it was over before it even started. continuing on, last nights adventure…well the sex sucked. To be totally honest I wasn’t very good last night either. but I was real drunk and we weren’t exactly anywhere comfortable. but still he’s one of my closest friends and I want it to stay that way. but then again when my friend said we looked cute together and make a good couple it made me think. blah I wish I wouldn’t think, that’s when I get into the most trouble. I guess well just see how these next four years of college go for the two of us.
I wish I could go back in time. Where I wouldn’t have to deal with all this. I don’t want to be so confused and pulled in so many directions. I’m just so ready to move forward, so I don’t know what it is that’s holding me back.
I swear I’m not a slut. But the number is 5. And I feel like that’s high. Last night marked the fifth and I just feel so stupid. It was with someone I cared about, but it wasn’t full of meaning. Or at least it wasn’t anything mutual. I cried. and then thought about next year and how I don’t want to repeat this and have five more new guys. otherwise I’ll be truly a whore, and I wouldn’t even be able to deny it.
I’m ready to go to college. My roommate and I are best friends already, it’s perfect. Wish me luck.
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